Happy Halloween…From the Cat

Halloween's over; I got it. But this gem is probably the most ridiculous thing I've seen since moving to the USA.  I just couldn't post until I was sure that the US Postal Service had done its job.

It's always a bit hit and miss sending greetings across the pond: Things can arrive in a week, two weeks, or not at all. When Mr and I were long-distance we'd be sure to send each other at least three Valentine's and birthday cards in the hope that at least one would arrive.

Anyway, this is a card I recently sent to my mum in Scotland. It's something I'd never seen until I moved to the USA.

I found in it Hallmark, the infamous US greeting card store. I found it in a subsection of cards entitled HALLOWEEN - FROM THE CAT.

Let me just clarify - this was not just one card. It was one of several cards. There was a whole section devoted to Halloween cards FROM THE CAT.

FROM THE CAT.

HALLOWEEN CARDS FROM THE CAT.

I only went into Hallmark to buy a plain ol' birthday card, which it turns out is impossible.
Happy Birthday from your second-cousin-in-law? Sure!
Happy Birthday to my favorite neighbor two doors down? Probably!
Happy Birthday? Just "Happy Birthday"? Nope. Nothing. Can't be done.

I didn't even know that giving people Halloween cards was a 'thing' until Hallmark told me it was.
Before I moved I already knew that kids in the USA like to give their friends Valentine's cards, which is not entirely acceptable in the UK. I've even heard of "Bosses' Day" which I get the impression Hallmark invented entirely. There was a whole aisle of Halloween cards.

Halloween cards? Really? And Halloween…FROM THE CAT? Yeah, come on in! We have a plethora of Halloween cards that your feline buddy can send to - send to who?

That's the thing. Cats don't even have opposable thumbs (yet, as this wonderfully funny UK commercial for milk suggests). They can't write a Halloween card. They can't even open an envelope should they receive one. Where are all these socially active kitties that need to send spooky greetings to their feline friends?

And yet I bought it.

I don't even have a cat. (Note: I used to, but I left them in Scotland.)

But that's why Hallmark works. Hallmark is like IKEA - it creates a useless product and convinces you that you really need it. Only in IKEA it's magazine racks for the bathroom, and in Hallmark it's Justin Bieber Halloween greetings and Halloween messages FROM THE CAT. The next thing IKEA should invent is display racks in the bathroom for all your Hallmark Halloween cards FROM YOUR CATS.

And not only that. Not only was this one card of many available in the HALLOWEEN - FROM THE CAT subsection of Hallmark, but this very card was the winning entry from a Hallmark greeting card design competition.

You can view this award winning card at the Hallmark website

I love it! I love it so much I bought it and sent it to my mum, albeit filled with a tirade of wonder at why we need our cats to send Halloween cards.

I even addressed it to the cats. I totally bought into this. Hallmark saw me coming from an imperial mile.

Maybe we need Halloween cards FROM THE CAT so we buy them and send them filled with questions about why we need Halloween cards FROM THE CAT.

Either way, Hallmark, you won. And I'm actually totally okay with that. There is no end of amusement here.

Now I need to stock up on my "Happy Thanksgiving from the rogue groundhog in the backyard" cards.