Stuff wot I brought with me 3 - wedding trinkets

This is probably a no-brainer for expats emigrating on a spouse visa: wedding trinkets. But how much to pack?

It had been a mad, frantic, wedding day, and the next morning we'd woken up with bags of stuff, everywhere.

After a wedding there are things that don't last, such as the flowers, the favors, the cake(s), some of the small funny memories of the day.

And there are things that do last: the paperwork, the invitations, the pictures, the clothing, the feelings, and well, the marriage.

Mark took our wedding album, from our amazo photographer Nikki, to the USA via hand luggage. Although the boxes I shipped turned up perfectly thanks to careful packing, lots of parcel tape, and mountains of bubble wrap, I did not want to trust such a precious thing to sea or air.

The dress remains in the UK. But that's another story altogether.

What did you do with your wedding trinkets? And what did you do with your dress!?

Paper Anniversary

It's our first anniversary!

First anniversary is paper, and that's exactly what we received. The MBE (mystery brown envelope) arrived in the morning.

As you can see they really don't want anything to happen to it. I'd be tempted to see what's inside if I didn't already know. It's our well-travelled bundle of paperwork: Scotland, Chicago, California, New Hampshire, London, Scotland…and eventually PA.

A marriage of inconvenience: starting the visa journey

I've updated this blog with a number of backdated posts that I couldn't publish until after our wedding, although I ditched most of those about my DIY wedding dress as my mum documented the process of making the dresses rather wonderfully, here.

After the wedding, which was a blast, Mr Husband and I went away for a short but sweet honeymoon in Malta, and then spent a week relaxing in Scotland. I had half an idea of taking Mr up to the Highlands, but after all the buzz and excitement of the week leading up to the big event, and the travelling afterwards, we were happy to have a relaxing week at home. It also gave us the chance to begin the visa process for me to go to the States, and it was so refreshing and lovely to be able to tackle the tasks together rather than through laptop screens!

Several people have asked what happens now, and after asking if they are genuinely interested (and discovering that they are), I'm happy to explain:



The first step in this process is "filing an I-130 Immigrant Petition for Alien Relative". This is a form that a US citizen (USC) fills out to say that they have a relative in another country that they would like to bring to the USA. In our case my husband is the USC and I, his wife, am the direct relative (or 'Alien Relative'). This is a petition for me to be approved to apply for a visa. My husband is the petitioner and I am the 'beneficiary'.

We both also had to fill out forms with biographical information about ourselves, our parents, our birthplace(s), and every address we'd lived at for the past five years.

In addition to those forms, we had to include copies of birth certificates, passports, marriage certificate, US passport sized photos (which are a different size to UK passport photos), and evidence of an ongoing marital union. In our case we included: notarized affidavits from Mr's family members, joint invoices and contracts for wedding items, tickets from trips abroad together, tickets from trips to see each other, emails and facebook wall posts, photos, and evidence of my name on Mr's savings account (to show 'co-mingling of finances' as they like to put it).

The package was over an inch thick, and was sent to Chicago along with a cover letter/contents page, and the filing fee of $420.

This is but the start of the 'Visa Journey' and to be honest, most of that journey involves sitting, waiting patiently for nothing much to happen. But there are some points to note and some interesting quirks about this part of our paper-based adventure:

- We haven't hired a lawyer. We made the decision after familarising ourselves with the processes and the forms over a period of months. We decided that most of the required information is personal, biographical information that we (should) know best, and that we would rather be in control of the process at this stage rather than add an extra link for potential delays and errors.

- These are just the first lot of forms we'll need to do. So far it's not a visa application, but rather a petition for eligibility. We have to prove two essential things: That we are who we say we are, and that our marriage is genuine and in good faith.

- That's by no means the only fee we'll have to pay. We joke that ours is a marriage of inconvenience, though it will certainly be worth it in the end!

All I have I share with you…

Sneak peak of the wedding!

I've said my thanks to all those involved so many times, but it doesn't seem enough. Thanks everyone.

A British bride's guide to an American bridal shower (now with added surprise element)

I was over in PA spending a week with Mr and his family for the last time we'd see each other before the wedding, and the last time I might be allowed in the US for a while (though hopefully I can visit when my visa is pending, after marriage). While I was there I read a blog post on the private Offbeat Bride ning entitled "a British bride's guide to an American bridal shower". I have to laugh now about the moment I read it because I didn't realise at the time that it'd be a guide I'd be using at all. I had only read it out of interest because the author is a fellow transatlantic immigrating bride, emigrating from England and immigrating to NY in a kind-of-the-same-but-different-situation to me.

On Saturday Mr and I went to play crazy golf (I won both games) and eat hot dogs and ice cream. It was very windy out on the crazy golf course, so I wore Mr's hoodie, and my hair went crazy golf windswept wild. When we got back to his place and entered through the garage door I heard "surprise!" and saw a room full of people taking photos of me that look like this:



Mr's mom and sister had arranged it all, a bridal shower just for me, and in the few hours we'd been out of the house they'd decorated and made a fab spread of food and a bowl of punch served in the in-laws' 1930s punch bowl.



They invited the aunts and uncles, including two who'd driven up from DC with their pooch just to spend a few hours at the party before driving back home again. I don't have any friends in PA (yet), but it was a lovely family affair nonetheless. I was handed a glass of punch (against the traditional I'd heard that bridal showers are dry affairs) and told to sit down and open gifts.

As a reserved British girl thrown into a loud Anglo-Saxon-American Bridal Shower environment, I happily did as I was bid. I remembered what the other blog post had said about it feeling a bit strange being the centre of attention and opening gifts, but Mr's sis was great at keeping things moving and handing me gifts. Traditionally bridal showers are slightly matriarchal events, held by women of the family exclusively for the bride to receive housewifely gifts to ensure she's well set up for becoming head of her household's domestic affairs. My Mr was there the whole time though, which I liked. It made it our shower - so when I opened the cereal bowls I could joke that these were for him to make me cereal every morning like he used to when we were at grad school. Later when I opened coffee mugs I told the story about how he made me cereal and coffee every morning, but one day threatened to stop making me coffee because I never drank it, and I had to admit that I don't like it black but was too shy to ask for milk.



This is me with our new slow cooker, asking with desperate perplexity "but what is four and a half quarts? what is a quart? I'm British, I don't understaaand" to which everyone laughed, but couldn't give me an answer in metric. Oh, the adventures I shall I have in Fahrenheit.



Lovely gin and tonic glasses from my sister-in-law-to-be. she got them while antiquing in Georgia.

I was the only Brit in the room, but for the rest of the family a bridal shower is a normal occasion, so I felt quite relaxed, even as my sister-in-law-to-be started putting together my 'bridal shower hat' (a phrase I must admit I googled afterwards to see if it really was a 'thing' and was relieved to see equally daft pictures of blushing brides in bow bonnets).



Then Mr and I cut a St.Patrick's day themed cake and I gave the Americans poor travel advice for where to visit in the UK.



I was goofing around and stabbing the cake. The knife was Mr's parents' wedding cake knife, although they bought us our own for our wedding for a keepsake; Mr was delighted as it's something he had wanted (post wedding update: Mark forgot to bring the knife over to Scotland for the wedding, but I'm sure we'll use it one day!).

So there you go: Cross-cultural experiences are fun, and don't have be entirely traditional. Sure, the groom and the men of the family can join in - the groom might even don the brightly coloured 50s apron gift and run around outside with the pet bulldog. Matriarchal housewifey gifts can be shared and enjoyed by future husband too, especially when he loves baking. And isn't division of labour a sensible modern economic concept anyway? Check out this book on the matter!

International paperwork part two arrives!

Mr got an email three hours ago:

"Your UK visa has been issued."

Another thing off the checklist then: UK entry clearance for groom - check! It's certainly good to know that the groom will be allowed in the country to go to his own party.

I'm incredibly impressed with how quickly UKBA dealt with his application, but know that the bit that comes afterwards won't be so easy.
But for now, invitations are out, and visa is approved. Let's get this party started.

International paperwork part one arrives!

Sometimes I put my facebook status as nothing more than a list of places where I need to be for work and/or pleasure, because I seem to do a very lot of travelling. The past week or so I didn't even bother because I couldn't even keep track. In just one day I went from the Highlands of Scotland down to London and then to the central belt of Scotland. The next day I was back in the Highlands, and then the next day I was in Edinburgh, and so it went on, until I found myself on a bus home from a day and a bit in Glasgow on my eighth day of travelling on the trot, and decided that I'd done quite enough travelling for February, thankyouverymuch. It was the 28th, so it wasn't like I could do much more that month, anyway!

At the same time I received an email from an equally busy-at-work Mr to say that the US Postal Service website was saying that there had been an attempted delivery of the invitations he'd sent me. There hadn't, so something was fishy. I randomly entered the USPS tracking code into Royal Mail and Parcel Force and discovered that they were in a random depot two hours away from me. Long story short, it was all fine: I had to pay the customs charges online and they arrived two days later having travelled far enough themselves via Philly, Chicago and various places in the UK (no travelling required on my part, bonus).



I quite like them and Mr quite likes them. The lusciousness of the paper doesn't come through in this picture, and I'm grateful to Mr for letting me design them in my quirky, spontaneous, non-pro way. All I have to do now is address and send them, and in a stupid way my staring at this box feels like sitting on the edge of a precipice; once I send them out this event is really and truly happening…

…as long as Mr's visa arrives on time. He received a promising email from UKBA to say they received it all and it's usually processed in a couple of weeks.

So I want to get these invitations done tonight, even though it's late on Friday and I'm going to Glasgow early tomorrow, Edinburgh later in the week, followed by Perth (Scotland, not Australia) and then trying to make it for an early flight the next day headed to "My Mr, USA", via France, or Holland, I can't even remember right now.

P.S for info, the fonts I used were downloaded free from dafont.com:
http://www.dafont.com/deco-caps.font and
http://www.dafont.com/little-lord-fontler.font

Waiting Game #1 (or international paperwork x 2)

Background: Mr and I are a transatlantic long-distance couple. I live in Scotland; he lives in the USA. We made the decision a long time ago that we would get married in the UK, and that I will eventually move to the USA. The wedding destination was ultimately my decision, and it was an incredibly hard decision to make. It means that the number of guests on his side will be smaller because fewer people can travel across to the UK and it also means that after the wedding we will be apart for longer as my spouse visa is being processed. It was not the cheapest and easiest option, but amongst all the choices, none of which were particularly cheap or easy, it was the one that allowed me to have a wedding in the UK with my family and friends (and especially my grandparents who are in their late 70s) and gain some great experience in my current job (which I feel I was lucky to get during this job market). Mr has been incredibly gracious and understanding, considering that this was not his first choice and it involves two visas instead of one.

Special Marriage Visit Visa: Anyone not from the UK but getting married in the UK needs to get a visa called the Special Visit Visa: Marriage in order to be able to get married (unless they are immigrating to the UK, that's a different visa. This is for visits of less than 6 months). So because Mr is from the USA, he needs this visa for us to be able to get married. He won't be allowed in the country without it and we won't be able to get a marriage licence without it.

Marriage license in Scotland: Anyone getting married in Scotland needs to go through the General Register Office for Scotland (GROS). This must be done between 3 months and 15 days of the wedding: No more; no less. It states that anyone not from the UK must get a certificate of no impediment to register their marriage, but in the case of the USA this is not true; they are not available in the USA, and the GROS does not require them from US citizens (I called up and checked, in a mild panic). What they do need instead is a copy of the Special Visit Visa.

Waiting Game #1: Mr has sent off his visa application, so now we start waiting game number one, waiting for this to be processed and returned in enough time to then register the marriage. I've heard from my local MP and from our registrar (and from long extended grapevines) that couples can and do leave this too late, leaving them with a big expensive party and no wedding. We hope that we've time it correctly and that it'll all turn out fine, and the processing times on the UKBA website seem reasonable, but I can't help feeling nervous and very, very twitchy.

International paperwork part two: So the visa is one aspect of paperwork. Mr got the invites I designed (using a 30 day free trial of Adobe Illustrator) printed and I have heard that they are super. He was going to send them out, but instead sent them to me in a big box as most of the guests are in the UK. I want to get these invites sent out as soon as possible, but I'm waiting at the mercy of both our postal services for them, and it's likely they are delayed in customs while they stick a huge tax charge on for me to pay before I can get my mitts on them.

So we've checked a couple more things off the wedding checklist:
1. Visit visa application sent off.
2. Invites printed, guestlist drawn up (with most of our guest's addresses entered in a spreadsheet ready to be filled with RSVP and menu requests).
3. Accommodation and flights booked for Mr and his parents.

The LOLsome adventures of Bobby Billybog

Coming up with a registry is just one of the many troublesome things about arranging a wedding across an ocean, what with the currencies, the multiple addresses and the where to send things, and the very far away prospect of one day getting things shipped to the USA. That's a whole lot of price and hassle I'm not thinking about right now.

I was convinced that we couldn't have a 'normal' registry of actual physical gifts because of these factors, but Mark, and OBB showed me otherwise. Mark has had his heart set on good wedding china, and we'd already spent an afternoon walking around the King of Prussia mall eyeing up crockery and testing the weight of spoons in our hands, pretending to be the normal kind of couple who'd do this on a regular Sunday afternoon and not the kind of couple that only gets to spend Sunday afternoon together three times a year.

A couple of weekends ago I lounged on the sofa with the cat, my mum was cutting fabric for my dress (squee!) and listening to the football, while Mark and I surfed shopping websites together on Skype and picked our favourite china. It felt almost like a normal lazy afternoon, a long-distance tableau of domestic bliss!

So this month I had to do a lot of travelling to the Highlands for work - the kinds of places without phone reception or even ATMs. During a spell of signal on my phone I saw an email from Macy's in my gmail and guessed Mark had registered for the china. In the past week I got 4 or 5 more emails from Macy's, all vaguely spammy "Woohoo! Wedding Registry! Get Spendy! Look at this DEAL!" kinds of emails, which I tend to ignore but not delete for a while.

After I'd come back from business travel, and Mark had returned from his own business trip to Atlanta, we actually got a chance to chat on Skype and Mark told me that I had to 'activate' our registry (he got to have fun with the barcode bleeper all by his lonesome, not fair!). I found one of the emails from Macy's and loaded up the 'make a registry page' and after it tried to sell me Gold Reward Stars or something, AND a Macy's card, I finally set up a registry but it had nothing in it.

  Mark realised then that I'd started a new registry, not activated HIS one, so I tried to delete it, and when it wouldn't let me, I changed all the details to fake details, including the wedding date, made it private, and changed the account to an old email address. Yeah, I'd opened the "selling you the Gold Reward Stars" email and not the "activate your account" email by accident. Boob. But then the real 'activation' wouldn't work; first Mark couldn't find our special code and had to rummage round his paperwork, and then the computer was all confused because now I had two registries, kind of.

Mark gave in and called Macy's to explain and asked them to delete the one I made by accident, but because I'd changed some of the details, they couldn't find it in the system. The Macy's lady asked what the name of the couple was. It was still in my name, but the 'husband' was different. While still on the phone to Macy's, Mark asked me over webcam what I changed it to, exactly.

Me: Umm, Bobby Billybog.

Mark: You're kidding me? Um, ma'am, it's uh, Bobby Billybog.

I burst into fits of giggles and Mark was staring at me over Skype as he was trying to be serious to the Macy's lady. She asked to clarify all the details of mine and Bobby Billybog's wedding, for security purposes I imagine.

Mark: What address did you put, Gill?

Me: I can't remember. The zip code was the same. I don't know. It was something silly, like Silly Nanny Street (Family Guy reference).
Mark: Oh god...

The Macy's lady actually asked if that's where he lived. I'm not sure she quite understood what was going on. Mark even tried to explain to the poor lady that I was cracking up over webcam at him having to say silly things over the phone to a stranger.

So that's how I broke our registry and laughed myself daft at my future husband (a serious upstanding bloke who graduated from Military School) saying his 'name' was Bobby Billybog to Macy's while he was not laughing at all.

It's also how I have earned myself a new nickname from my serious upstanding future husband... Gilly Billybog. I know I totally deserve it

Changing my name; Changing me? Gladl(e)y.

After reading some literature and discourse on the symbolism and meanings of certain wedding traditions, and how these can/should/don't/shouldn't get shaken up by different and changing dynamics in the concept of marriage, I thought it would be worth writing a little note about why I am so stoked about changing my name.

I love my last name as is, because it's got some great heritage. It's what I was born into, and will always be. We have a clan and a tartan and a castle (sadly I don't own it, it's abandoned and dilapidated, but it's also called Fatlips Castle which is brilliant). My grandad has done a lot of work in our family history and I'm one of the few in my family who take an interest in the stories he can tell about our ancestors. Mr calls me Fatlips sometimes as a pet name, because I do have fat lips and I do pout them when I don't get my way.
But I have decided, myself, that I will change my last name when I get married.

First of all, a very serious but seemingly light-hearted reason: There is (currently) nobody else on facebook with my future name. I kind of like that. There are people with my current name, even within my own family. I feel that rather than losing my identity by adopting my man's moniker then, I will gain something rare. And because after we marry we will be separated physically/geographically for a while, I will have time to adjust to my new identity by myself, and become used to being a new individual. I've even registered my future name as a gmail address already.

Second, I see it as an opportunity to redefine myself, as me, but also as part of a new team, a new duo of crimefighting superheroes (that's me and my Mr). We're going to be Team Ladley. Some of our friends already refer to us in a jokingly celeb fashion as Gladley, which I LOVE.* It involves both of us and refers to both of us. It's also better than combining our last names, because Turnbull + Ladley = Turdley, and that's certainly less resplendent.

*Gillian is pronounced like Giraffe. But this is Gladley as in Glad. And I am Glad.

Oh, snap!

In planning a wedding with my partner across the ocean I have come across a huge variety of wedding blogs, catering to different styles and niches of wedding. Most of my favourites display gorgeous images of wonderfully diverse people and all their different wedding celebrations:

http://www.lovemydress.net
http://www.london-bride.com/
http://ruffledblog.com/
http://www.rocknrollbride.com/
http://apracticalwedding.com/

Offbeat Bride has been my favourite though, because they have a private 'no drama' ning site for all sorts of offbeat brides (and grooms) in fully-fledged wedding planning mode. While Mr and are decidedly 'offbeat lite' we are also a transatlantic couple, and there's a group on the ning site specifically devoted to us 'geographically challenged' couples and that has been a great resource and constant source of support.

Many of these blogs show couples who opt to have engagement photo shoots to announce their wedding, and to get the opportunity to practice in front of a camera before the big day so they don't end up looking back on awkward family photos in years to come. We didn't do this (it's not wholly practical when we have limited time together and spend most of our spare money on flights) but we are in the habit of capturing the few precious moments we get with each other. When we were on our recent trip over to NY and PA, my mum half-joked that we needed plenty of photos to show immigration one day and gleefully snapped us at every chance throughout the trip. But indeed, photos of our relationship across time can form part of the requirement to provide immigration with "Evidence of a Bonafide Marriage - relevant documentation to establish that there is an ongoing marital union".

Fabrics

Just back from a threefold trip across the ocean:

1. To see my fiance.
2. So my mum could meet his mom.
3. To get fabric for the dresses.

Success on all three!

1. Fiance surprised me by visiting me in NY for the few days we were there before heading to his parents' place. Extra days with my beau!
2. I think everyone had a lovely time. My aunt came along for the ride as well, and all of us, along with my fiance's aunt, had fun mini-golfing, going for dinner, drinking tea and eating cake.
3. Fabric purchased for my dress, and two of the bridesmaid dresses. My maid of honour is my sister-in-law-to-be and she'll be making her own dress because she's a talented art school type.

Here's the fabric for my dress!

That's his kilt, the one he'll be wearing on the day (it's muted Mackay tartan), plus the fabric I chose for my two junior bridesmaids (the blue one).

I'd already chosen the pattern for the dress, although it's being heavily altered, and I never had a desire to visit any bridal shops to try on dresses. I only wanted to try on one dress, my own, but it didn't exist.

I'd always wanted my mum to make my dress because she's a brilliant seamstress and she made her own wedding dress, and she was really honoured when I asked her to do mine too. She's a huge fan of Project Runway so our first stop was Mood Fabrics. We had so much in the garment district of NY wrapping me up in all sorts of beige silks like a betrothed Egyptian mummy:

That's my aunt helping.




Unfortunately Mood didn't have quite what we wanted, but we found a treasure trove of fantastic silks in every colour just a few blocks away.

Post Script

I neglected to mention something didn't I? I know what you all really want to know...

What happened to the tree, right?

Did we ever get the Christmas tree lit?

Story short: yes, we did. Thanks to giving in and buying overpriced lights from a local hardware store (I am convinced they bought out all the Walmart lights and charged double, y'know, in the spirit of American entrepreneurialism and according to laws of supply and demand) and Sister-in-Law-to-be's partner's gift of a few strings, Christmas was saved and the day was light. Everyone loved their gifts.

No?

Of course I said yes.

This changes everything. I felt a bit awkward about outlining such a personal story, but it would be anticlimactic to say "I got engaged, so now my career plans have changed." It would also be incorrect. But along with falling head over heels, the rest of my life has also been turned upside down, so the most romantic moment of my life must be post-scripted by notions of a more pragmatic nature. Boo.

Coming back after Christmas has been hard, so much harder than when we parted in September after the end of our studies. The overly seasonable weather hasn't helped, and I found myself snowed in, with an extra few days off work, and much to consider. For the first time in a while I found myself frustrated with my situation, which sounds rather ungrateful for a girl who just got engaged!

We have the kinds of obstacles that are not present in some other relationships. We have jobs to find, visas to apply for, and money to raise. For those who have no experience of this, the spouse visa process is a stranger and more bewildering realm than I could have imagined. It seems to be a slow-moving bureaucratic cruise through oceans of paperwork... Visa Journey is not a tourist site or a travel brochure.

So the wedding will not take place for a while. As for 2010, my short-term plans remain the same, although I now have more to consider as I pursue my goals. We. We have more to consider as we pursue our goals!

As soon as the snow melts I will start driving. I will then start applying for internships and jobs. However, as I now have weddings and visas and travel costs to think about, money is going to become a greater concern... for both of us. We are both from families of modest means. Doing long stints of unpaid interning in an expensive city (be it Brussels, London, DC...), even after my time living rent-free with my parents and working and saving, may not be as feasible an option while I save for other items. But we will wait and see.

This new decade has begun with 2010 as a huge turning point in my life script. I feel that from hereon in, nothing is going to be quite the same again. It's going to be interesting, and probably exciting, but also potentially a mundane struggle. January feels like a limbo month, where I have all the information I need to take the next steps, but I have to sit and wait for further instruction on where to go and how to get there.

For now I'm working a seven day week, making up for my time abroad and allowing my manager to take some much-needed time off before it all gets busy again, and saving my wee pennies for future plans and pipe dreams.

Yet there is something else I haven't mentioned. Fiance(!) and I are waiting for news that could potentially change everything yet again. But that is another story for another day...

Without a Hitch

T'was the week before Christmas, I was wearing a dress,
I had been told earlier to put on my best...

Incidentally, the bulldog loved me. He would wait for me to emerge from my bedroom each morning and barked defensively whenever Boyfriend came near me. He would joke "your boyfriend's getting jealous" and I'd appease the dog with some good ol' backscratching. Approval from the family dog must count for something, right?

I was told to wear formal dinner clothes, but with shoes I could walk in. As I brushed bulldog hairs from my overcoat, before we left, my boyfriend reminded me about the favour of picking out a locket for his sister in the next couple of days. He was really anxious about making sure the jeweler had it in time for Christmas, and the weather report was looking treacherous for Christmas week, which could only impede things. "Thank you for helping him out" his Mom/Mum added, "we want something really heirloom quality for his sister, and it's been a hassle to get this all sorted in time."

Boyfriend and I had only met in February, when some small freak snow had littered our University city in the UK, and on our but second date we strolled through the local botanic garden, him trying to impress me and me sliding on the ice like a kid. I was now being taken to a botanic garden (in the USA!) and for a formal dinner as a pre-Christmas treat. Wrong time of year to see a garden maybe? Yes, all of the trees were bare. The flower beds were empty. But the weather was clear (luckily) and the garden trees were lit (beautifully) with festive lights that slowly illuminated as we walked around the park as the cold sun fell. We entertained for a moment a plan to strip some of the trees of lights for our still as yet naked tree back at the house. Sadly, wearing a dress is not conducive to climbing trees. Or walking in the cold.

We spent ages in the network of conservatories, indoor and warm, travelling from subsaharan Africa to ferny jungle. Each room had its own themed Christmas wreath, made of palm trees, ferns, succulents, or roses. As evening wore on the gardens filled with more people.

We queued for dinner in the conservatory restaurant, and Boyfriend's heart sank as a denim-attired group with long hair and baseball caps were given a table in the restaurant. It claimed to be a fine dining restaurant, but it seemed that we were both ridiculously and hilariously overdressed. I could only laugh. We were given a quiet corner table though, and dinner was delicious, the service was great and our tip was complimentary.

Afterwards I was led to a hall where we were treated to a wonderful gospel choir concert. I have loved gospel since I saw Sister Act II at the cinema as a kid, always wanted to experience it live, and I have a secret desire to be reincarnated as a gospel star. It was a gorgeous Christmas experience to hear their jubilant hymns, and I should let you know that it even beats the Coca Cola ad for bringing out the festive spirit in folks.

As the evening drew to a close, the stresses of the holiday season were behind me. After dinner had finished and my anxious pre-emptive speculations about the evening had been proven false (come on, jewelry store? locket? posh dinner?), I melted into the thought that this could be one of many lovely dinner evenings to come. How deliciously pleasant.

That was until we were walking to the car, and we meandered to the museum house to have a quick saunter round. It was a typical colonial American building, full of artifacts about the estate that Boyfriend could only feign interest in. He started to walk faster and more agitatedly through the display rooms before proclaiming brusquely "I need to get outside, there are too many people in here and I don't feel well."

I rolled my eyes, and followed him out and round to a dark corner of the outside porch. The fountain light show was going on just behind some tall evergreen trees. I slumped down next to him on a bench.

It was cold. The fountain light show played its classical Christmas music in the background. He apologised, and he spoke to me for a bit.

And he asked if I would marry him.

And it was a ring, not a locket, of course.

And yes, he had been anxious all week: he wanted Christmas to go without a hitch, but with the promise of getting hitched.