Queen Speech Bingo 2013

Download and Print your Bingo Cards here!

Hey guys!

I know it's been a very long time since I made an appearance in the blogging world. The last few months have been busy (in a good way) and I have a lot of wonderful posts and photos to share with you. I just need to make time to do it. I'm currently in the UK having a very British Christmas (yay!) and it's a bit of a whirlwind tour visiting loved ones.

Anyway - this was one of my most popular blog posts of the past year so of course I had to do it again for 2013. I'm sneaking it in late this year, but here goes: Queen Speech Bingo 2013!

How to Play Queen Speech Bingo

The full rules are available here but really it's very simple:

• Print off a few bingo cards
• Watch the Queen's Christmas message
• Argue with your family
• Have fun!

How it Works

I use a list of the most common words from previous Queen Christmas speeches, and throw in a few extras (wildcards) to reflect recent events. Extra words for 2013 include George, information, internet, and independence.

Let me know if you decide to play, and of course, who wins!

Expat Diaries - Three things I say incorrectly

When I moved from the UK to the USA one of the things I made sure to do was change my default language on my computer from English (UK) to English (USA). It's helped a lot with writing: cover letters, resumes, blog posts, and all the copy I write now as part of my job.

It's rare that I slip up and put organisation instead of organization, or defence instead of defense, but if I do then the red dotted lines warn me that I've gone all continental.

However, I do still slip up all the time when I speak. And sometimes, after trying to maintain my British identity, I have to give in and use an American phrase because people genuinely don't seem to know what I'm talking about. That bewilders me, as an English speaking person in an English speaking country!

So for the most part, my Americanisms are deliberate and considered efforts to make myself understood in this brash and assertive country. However, sometimes I doubly slip up, and accidentally use Americanisms with my British friends. Then I get accused of forgetting my Britishness, so I can't win in either instance!

Here are a few simple, unassuming phrases that I've caught myself saying, that make me think "Wow, I really am American now…"

"We got this in the mail"

Brits use the word "mail" for sure, usually in the context of it being "Royal" and constantly in danger of getting privatized (or privatised, depending where you are). But Brits don't generally say "I'll get the mail" or "Give this to the mailman" - it's post, and postman. There's even a popular kids' cartoon in the UK, Postman Pat.

Strangely enough though, Americans do use "Post Office" and "Postal Service". But if I try to say "I'll get the post" here in the USA, I think Americans expect me to return with a large wooden stake instead.

"Can you put this in the trash for me?"

Again, this is such an innocuous phrase,  it shouldn't be a big deal. But nobody in the UK genuinely says trash. It's rubbish, or garbage. I love the word rubbish especially. It's a great insult because it's also a bit pathetic. Next time you're having an argument, slip in the phrase "You're a rubbish person!" and you'll probably have to stop yourself from giggling afterwards.  Call somebody trashy and you're in a world of trouble.

See also trash can v rubbish bin. I find the phrase rubbish bin kind of quaint now - if that doesn't mean I'm Americanized I don't what does.

Brits don't quite get the "Supersize" thing either

"Can I get…?"

This one happened to me a long time ago actually, even before I moved over. It's an affectation used by many Brits who want to appear assertive when ordering their coffee and Subway sandwiches.

Being able to customize something so simple as coffee and fast food goes against everything a Brit knows. 

It's why Burger King's "have it your way" slogan was a flop in the UK. Brits don't want to have to request extra cheese or no lettuce, they want what's given to them. If they don't like cheese, they'll take it out themselves instead of appearing rude or fussy. 

When Subway arrived in the UK Brits were practically having meltdowns when barraged with a bunch of questions even just about their bread. "I'll have j-just w-whatever it comes with…" customers would panic. The server would have to explain that the poor Brit was actually in command of their own lunch, and they would have to review choices under pressure of holding up the line (queue). Due to the stress and confusion they'd end up with some bizarre combination of tuna, ham, raw onion and salt on their Subway.

In the world of fast food and fast coffee, courtesies such as "Please may I have…" or "Would it be possible if…" or "Do you think you could possibly, if it's not too much trouble, please…" are about five seconds too long to cut it. So "Can I get" becomes the go-to "I know exactly what I want on my cold lunch and in my hot drink and I'm important so get it for me" power phrase. 

Whenever I hear myself loudly proclaim "Can I get an untoasted six-inch BMT?" I know I've made it as a self-assured American…until I follow it up with "on just whatever bread you have to hand, what's ever easiest for you, I don't want to cause too much trouble, sorry, if that's not too much to ask…"

Let's talk about the Eurovision Song Contest

There's one day a year when my combined degrees in media and European politics become supremely useful. Wikipedia states that it's the most watched non-sporting television event in the world: Eurosong night.

I know far more about the Eurovision Song Contest than is healthy for a dynamic young woman like myself.

I probably could have done a week's worth of posts during the run up to the final, but I spent most of the week sulking that I wasn't going to be able to watch it. Due to a twist of events, combined with Irish broadcaster RTE graciously providing a live webstream for displaced European expats like myself, I did have the pleasure of introducing this strange cultural phenomenon to my US relatives. Next year, I promise, I'll give it the attention it deserves.

To all those who are completely oblivious to what I'm talking about, Americans especially, here's how Eurovision works:

In the 1950's, after Europe had been all but torn apart by two world wars, experts and leaders devised some clever soft power policies to ensure that kind of devastation would never happen again.

One solution was a series of trade pacts that eventually evolved into the European Union. Another was a solution composed (sorry) in Switzerland: A continental pop song talent show.

And so for over 60 years Europe has been lumbered with an overly complicated political system from which no member country can quite disentangle or disassociate itself. It comprises petty spats, an impenetrable voting system that leaves everyone unhappy, cultural faux pas, lingual slip-ups, a hugely bloated budget which favors certain large countries over others, and some questionable fashion. And that's just the song contest.

During my first year living here in the USA I've compared a number of American events to Eurovision, such as the July 4th concerts, the Superbowl and the Draft. But there's no one way I could explain Eurovision to my American family: they had to see it for themselves.

Americans are unashamedly proud of their cheesy bravado, while Europeans hide their glittering pride behind a layer of sarcasm. I don't think any American can truly understand the Old World until they can truly understand the feeling of simultaneous pride and shame that Europeans feel about the song contest. It's like an ugly handbag - it is just so hideous that it's actually kind of fabulous.

Yes, I watch the whole three hour show every year. But as a Brit that doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy it, I'm just fulfilling my patriotic duty.  So when my dog literally ran out of the room at the sound of a Romanian singing falsetto opera to a dupbstep track, or when my Irish-American mother-in-law felt cheated when Ireland came last, and when my US husband (an International Relations professional) bemoaned the shocking political voting, I felt like they finally did now understand the true meaning of a peaceful Europe. Viva L'Eurovision!

What to get for an expat's birthday

The past month or so was action-packed. 

I was in a car crash, the company I worked for went bankrupt, I got a (very exciting) new job, and I got older. 

I was also originally going to go back to the motherland this month, but decided a short while ago it wouldn't be feasible with everything else going on. 

But even if I can't go back to the UK, I can have the UK sent to me! That's what friends and family will do for an expat's birthday. Here are some goodies that were sent to me by my loved ones…

Remember how I said I wished that The Great British Bake Off would be shown on US television? Well, this book will hopefully improve my terrible baking, plus it's got some of that cheeky innuendo found in the show. I'm still waiting anxiously for the US version, just to see how it'll compare.

And talking of baking: This cute bracelet is a real charm. Not only does the tartan remind me of home, it's made of BISCUIT TINS! It is, in a word, sweet. 

I also promise there will be more biscuits involved in future FOOD FIGHT posts.

This is a paper sheep.

I don't see too many of those any more, which is a shame, because naughty spring lambs springing through fields is a jaunty sight. 

And yes, that's a Marks and Spencer bag at the bottom. What would an expat do without her regular Marks and Sparks care packages? 

And the final thing is a gift from one of my girls, this fabulous Marmite t-shirt. You'll either love it or you'll hate it, and you can't get much more patriotic than a British condiment that makes Americans physically recoil.

All in all, I'm very grateful for my UK themed birthday pieces!

Note: I don't do affiliate advertising, so all of this stuff was really sent to me by friends and family, and I'm just showing it off because it's oh-so-British and I love it.

If you have popped over from Betsy's blog: Hello! I hope you stick around. Sit down, I'll make you a cup of tea. Tell me all about yourself. Do you like Marmite, or do you prefer PBJ?

If you haven't popped over from Betsy's blog, then I have a guest post over there all about emigrating from the land of Marmite to the land of PBJ. You should pop over and have a looksie.

Five ways Glasgow and Philadelphia are similar

World War Z is a Brad Pitt zombie movie set to attack movie theaters this June. It is set here in Philadelphia, but it was actually filmed in the Scottish city of Glasgow.

Readers will know that both of these cities hold special places in my heart. I lived, studied, worked, danced, drank (and dated my now husband) in Glasgow for a good six years of my life - and now Philly is my home city.

The trailer is hilarious. For anyone who has ever lived in or been to Glasgow and/or Philadelphia, the aerial shots of 'Glasgowdelphia' are so blatant and comedic. George Square looks nothing like any of the five squares in Philly.

BUT, Glasgow and Philadelphia are really similar. I love them both, and I love to compare my home countries, so here's a fun list of the similarities between the two best cities in the world.

Shots of 'Glasgowdelphia' during filming of World War Z. Not mine, but taken by a fantastic photographer friend.
Check out her photos of famous bands and musical artists (including One Direction, Fun. and, er Jedward)

1. Grid System

Glasgow was chosen to represent Philly in the Brad Pitt zombie movie because both cities are built according to a grid system. For US cities that's not unusual at all - even American countryside seems to be laid out in grids. It's really confusing for a British driver like me because everything looks the same.

Old British cities like London and Edinburgh are full of long winding streets and alleyways that change name and turn corners and allow people to get wonderfully lost. Much of Glasgow is the same, but the city center is built in squares. Glasgow doesn't have numbered streets though, which as you can see they had to build into the set.

2. Deco buildings

The first rule of being a local in any city is never look up. But in Glasgow and Philly it is so hard to follow the rules! Both cities are havens for beautiful, beautiful art deco architecture.

Glasgow is known for being the birth place of Charles Rennie Mackingtosh and his works and inspiration are visible all over the city. For example, the Beresford in Glasgow is a gorgeous apartment block that was renovated several years ago. Friends of mine lived there for a while and it was always fun to visit.

But Philadelphia trumps Glasgow for art deco, hands down. For example, The Metropolitan is a luxury art deco apartment block that catches my breath every time I see it. Can't you just imagine Batman standing or hanging from the arches and surveying America's fifth biggest city? It's stunning. There are examples of deco architecture almost everywhere in Philadelphia and I can't get enough of them.

3. Arts and Culture

When I studied Film and Television in Glasgow, I felt like I was in a pocket of creativity. It's full of culture, from the aura of the Art School and its fantastic events and club nights, to the musical creativity that comes from the city (Belle and Sebastian, Franz Ferdinand, Paolo Nutini, Frightened Rabbit, Biffy Clyro…).

And now Philadelphia is where it's at. For arts and culture, it's the place to be. Even the Philadelphia Inquirer had to admit it. Portland? Old news. Brooklyn? That's so 2008. I feel like Philly is a city on the brink of something amazing. Just don't tell everyone, we locals want to keep it a secret.

4. Left-Wing Politics

In last year's Presidential election, parts of Philadelphia cast no votes for the Republican party. It was the same in 2008. It is no secret that Philadelphia is a Democratic stronghold nestled within some fairly conservative suburban/rural counties.

In Glasgow the left-wing Labour Party has controlled the city council for over three decades.

Both cities are incredibly diverse post-industrial cities with great shipbuilding histories, and that feeds into their respective political histories.

5. Not being the capital

Both Philadelphia and Glasgow benefit from not being the capital cities. London, Edinburgh, DC (and New York) frequently overshadow these cities, and Glasgowdelphia residents couldn't be happier about that. Underrated, nothing to prove, no need to be nice to tourists: Culturally they are very similar. They are beautiful, edgy, fun, yet rough around the edges and only friendly in their own quirky ways.

And you should visit both of them. Soak in the atmospheres, visit the museums and the university campuses (Glasgow University is Russell Group and UPenn is Ivy League - dontcha know?). Walk around and visit the plethora of vintage boutiques and thrift stores in Philly's Old City and the Glasgow West End. Catch a sunny day and lay down in the parks and squares and listen to the locals shouting and singing. Eat wonderful cuisine, visit intimidating dive bars, be careful, be streetwise, be inspired, and then try to tell me you don't love these two cities.

Five characteristics of Britain, illustrated through flowers

The charm of this year's Philadelphia Flower Show (the largest indoor flower show in the world) was the theme: Great Britain. It was fun for me not only to see the gorgeous displays, but also to get an inkling of what the US thinks about my home-turf.

Here were five themes of the flower show that really made me feel at home…

1. Rain

How many times have Americans asked me if it really rains every day in Britain? I've lost count. I always tell them "yes, every day, never a day without rain". Considering that the size of the UK stretches from Maine to North Carolina I'm probably not wrong.

2. The Beatles

Did you notice the Let it Be garden just there? Well it wasn't the only Beatle themed garden. My favorite setting of the whole show is this one just here. Can you guess the two songs?

3. (Childrens') Literature

There were two Alice in Wonderland gardens - this large setting here, and a smaller one with a topiary Cheshire Cat and White Rabbit. I also saw Jane Austen,  Sherlock, and Dracula. Some were better than others, and some relied very heavily on non-plant props. 

4. The Monarchy

From the moment visitors entered the grand hall in the PA Convention Center, they'd see it was a royal floral affair. The crown jewels were spectacular, and the dried flower portraits were stunning. Can you see Her Majesty making a sneaky appearance?

5. Tea

This one was subtle, but it was definitely there. Whether it was a hidden teapot in a bijou apartment deck garden, the Mad Hatter's Tea Party, or a simple cup of tea between innings (that's a cricket thing), my old nation's favorite drink could be found. 

Five UK shows I wish BBC America would broadcast

Me petitioning the BBC to show more programs in the USA (actually I was working and that didn't cross my mind, sadly).

I do love American television. I really do. There's just something so garish and gluttonous and appealing about it. Watching US TV is like going for a sneaky midnight drive-thru meal: It's so wrong it's just perfectly right.

But sometimes I miss the hearty, reliable stodge of Old Blighty's television. I miss smooth deadpan voiceovers and useful signals that commercials are going to begin. 

BBC America is there for those moments, but only sometimes. It's catered more to the American Anglophile rather than to the British expat market, and is filled with Dr Who and Top Gear re-runs.

Here are five shows that are quintessentially British, and that I think BBC America would do well to show. Not only because I want to watch them myself, but also because I think Americans would get a kick out of them.

1. Come Dine With Me

 

Premise: Complete strangers host dinner parties for each other. They judge and rate each other's evenings, and at the end of the week the winner takes home a thousand bucks.

This daytime TV format turned prime-time hit has all the elements of British society. 

First, it's like a disastrous cooking show with amusingly amateurish results. Secondly, it has that keyhole voyeurism we all enjoy from the likes of house-buying shows and MTV's Cribs. Third, it has a competitive element and, of course, a supremely sarcastic voice-over. 

My American Mom-In-Law loves it. BBC America actually used to show it, but then stopped for seemingly no reason. Perhaps Americans couldn't believe how terrible Brits are at cooking, or why we have an obsession with poking around in other people's wardrobes. Either way, America has about thirty seasons to catch up on by now. Shame.

2. The Great British Bake Off

Premise: Talented, lovely, chipper Brits prepare baked goods in a marquee on the grounds of an English stately home. It is exactly as twee as it sounds.

Mark and I tried the infamous eight plait bread from the latest series of Great British Bake Off. We were quite proud!
Not quite up to Paul Hollywood's standards though.

The Great British Bake-Off was a surprise hit in the UK because it captured a zeitgeist for patriotic escakeism. It is the complete antithesis to every competitive cooking program on American television.

Unlike Cupcake Wars or Cake Boss, Bake Off is understated and charming. The competitors are all nice. Two baking pros, a formidable bread-master and an exacting cake lady, interact with a female comedy presenting duo for a lilting cookery show that, surprisingly, oozes with subtle innuendo.

Late last year US channel CBS ordered an American series of Bake Off, although the women's institution that is Mary Berry already announced that she would not be involved. I'm very excited, but also intrigued to see if the charming and gentile format will translate well to this brash and proud country. Regardless, I hope whoopie pies are involved.

3. Coronation St

 

Premise: Working class people living on a cobbled street in Northern England work in an underwear factory, go to the pub and have marital affairs. Almost every day. For over fifty years. It's The longest television soap in the world.

The whining drone of the theme tune was the punctuation to my evening since I was very young. I grew up on a diet of soap operas at dinner.  My undergrad dissertation supervisor even had a PhD in Corrie.

If you've never seen it before, take a look at this classic scene where a young character advises an old neighbor on how to get rid of the weeds in his paved back yard. It's that perfect balance of voyeurism, banality and jovial innuendo that makes the show, along with irresistably trashy yet brilliant story writing.

It saddened me that emigrating meant I would have to resort to nefarious means of accessing my daily fix of this domestic drama. The great news is that Hulu started streaming the show on a two week delay just last month, but I still think BBC America should syndicate the show for the expat market.

 

This is actually Valley Forge and nothing to do with Coronation St

4.  Have I Got News For You / 8 Out of 10 Cats

 

Premise: Well known public figures and comedians sit at a large desk for a weekly quiz, and make timely quips about the news, providing large helpings of off-the-cuff sarcasm and political cynicism.

 

The USA has its own attempts at political satire, sure. The Daily Show (and its spin-off The Colbert Report) are decent, and many Brits actually watch the international editions. Stewart and Colbert satirize the format and sensationalism of most US cable news shows: One person, one desk, lashings of hyperbole and caustic humor based on the strangest political truths.

It doesn't quite compare to the rigors of political satire in the UK though, where politicians are invited to get mercilessly mocked by some of Britain's brightest comedic minds. Occasionally the presenters themselves get embroiled in news stories and become the brunt of the unrelenting punchlines.
 
The skill of these shows is making the humor seem unrehearsed and almost throw-away. This is what makes them so British. HIGNFY excels at this, but Cats has a special place in my heart because I worked on the show (where I got to work with the charming Jimmy Carr and meet the legendary David Hasselhoff).

5. Blue Peter / Newsround

 

Premise: One is a magazine show about making popular items from toilet paper tubes; the other is the most trusted and cogent news source in the UK. Both are kids' shows.

 

Here's one I made earlier…The famous Thunderbird Tracy Island craft make is on display at the BBC Television Centre.
What will happen to it when the BBC moves out of the building?

Blue Peter is like the Scouts for coach potatoes, complete with badges. It's also the world's longest running childrens' TV show, featuring a mishmash of celebrity culture, sports and activities, fundraising appeals and arts and crafts.

The show has had some defining moments: making a popular toy (the Thunderbird island above) out of paper mache and soft cheese containers; having a baby elephant poo in a studio live on TV; and breaking the news to young viewers that the goldfish in the studio garden were killed after drunken soccer players broke in.

Newsround is not Aaron Sorkin's latest HBO drama; it's a long running news broadcast specifically for children. It's one of the best news shows on television due to the BBC's remit for balanced reporting and its ability to simplify complex news stories. Perhaps Sorkin's Newsroom would have been more entertaining if it had been about a kids' news show instead.

Kids in the UK graduate from Sesame St and progress onto Blue Peter and Newsround before becoming sensible, civic-minded citizens. Or at least they used to before the Disney Channel became more popular. Kids just aren't into toilet tubes like they used to be.

Fun Fact: There's a video in existence of myself interviewing the current Newsround newscaster, the lovely Ore Orduba, while he pretends to be Jessica Alba. No - you ain't ever gonna see it.

What are your favorite UK TV shows? Do any of these sound more appealing than Sherlock and Downtown Abbey?

Glad Notes: The musical fruit

Have Americans really never heard of beans on toast? 

Recently a good friend of mine asked me if this Reddit thread was based in truth. It kind of is, and kind of isn't. America has beans, and America has toast, but beans on toast? Not so much. But that's because there are some subtle differences between the US and UK concept of beans.

I'm not a UK baked beans fan. I don't like the orange sweet tomato sauce - so much so that the sight of beans irks me out. In the UK beans on toast is 1. A breakfast item and/or 2. A significant part of  most UK university students' diets. Except me. It was really hard being a student in residences and having to live with other students whose diets consisted almost entirely of beans on toast.

I am a US baked beans fan though - especially BBQ maple bacon beans. The other day I heated a can and poured them over a slice of toast for what I thought would be an acceptable brunch. I may never have eaten beans on toast before, but that's the way I thought it was done. I almost caused a UK-US diplomatic-domestic incident going by my husband's reaction. In the USA beans are part of a dinner meal - a side for corn dogs perhaps.

Here are 17 random facts about beans, beans on toast, and Heinz, which is probably the most well-known bean brand in the UK. I tried to get to 57, but ran out of, er, beans.

1. According to Heinz, the company invented beans on toast in 1927. 

2. Heinz Foods was founded in Pennsylvania in 1869.

3. Pennsylvania is known as 'The Keystone State'.

4. The Pennsylvania Keystone symbol is seen on many Heinz products, including Heinz Beanz and Tomato Ketchup.

5. The first can of Heinz Beanz was sold in the prestigious London department store Fortnum and Mason.

6. Classic Heinz Baked Beanz in tomato sauce is number three of the Heinz 57 Varieties. 

7. I've been told I have a Heinz 57 accent because it's influenced by so many regions and is very difficult to place.

8. There were more than 60 Heinz Varieties when the marketing phrase Heinz 57 was invented.

9. Beans on toast counts towards your daily vegetable intake. 

10. During WWII the UK Ministry of Food classified baked beans as 'essential'.

11. Baked beans aren't baked, they're stewed.

12. "Old Bean" is a slightly old fashioned term of affection still used in the UK.

13. The French equivalent of "Old Bean" is "Mon Pote" but pote does not mean bean.

14. "Haricot" means "bean" - does that mean a can of haricot beans literally means bean beans?

15. "There is no physiological harm from the flatulence caused by eating beans" - The British Dietetic Association.

16. Sitting in a bath of baked beans is a common fundraising strategy in the UK.

17. The Guinness record for most baked beans eating in five minutes using a cocktail stick is 258.

In defense of public transport

Fellow expat blogger Selena is a Texan living in England. Recently she wrote a very heartfelt piece about her experiences on public transport. To put it simply, her post was not very complimentary, but it was very funny.

She has been transplanted from the place with the most drive-thru liquor stores in the US (yes, really), to London, which this year is celebrating the 150th birthday of the tube, the oldest subway system in the world. That's a definite culture clash.

In contrast I myself have been transplanted from a place where retirees get free bus rides (and certainly use them) to the land where planners removed sidewalks to fit in parking lots.

I told her I felt I had to defend public transport just a little. So here it is, a Brit's defense of public transport (though I know true Brits write 'defence' and not 'defense' I have to use the American spelling now).

Effort

Public Transport
Selena's first criticism of public transport (namely the London tube) is that it's almost impossible for newbies to navigate. But the London tube map is hailed as one of the great successes of design - a marriage of form and function - beautiful and understandable!

Yes, maybe at first you will end up going around the Circle line the wrong way; discover that some stations are actually quicker to walk between (what's the point of them?); or take three hours longer than expected due to weather, strikes, or engineering works. But overall it works, and the Olympics were testament to that - just ignore the fact that they drafted in thousands of volunteers to show spectators which stations to use.
 
These days it's not hard to plan your journey online, even with sporadic construction or random closures due to pigeons on the line. And when you get really good at the Tube you can have all sorts of fun: You can become expert at games such as Mornington Crescent and this cryptic game. The London Tube inspired subterranean public transport across the world, so it must be okay, right?

Driving
The effort to drive is huge. First you have be examined on how to control a large piece of machinery. You don't sit need to any tests before you hop on a bus. As long as you have correct change and acceptable body odor tolerance, you're fine!

Planning a route to drive is infuriating. Even with Google Maps and Sat Navs you can never accurately predict roadworks, heavy traffic or road closures.

If you take a wrong turn you often have to do a massive detour to get back on track. With public transport you just jump off and get on a different train/bus, but in a car it's actually treacherous: Do you take that U-Bend and cross four lanes of angry traffic, or do you drive an extra 20 miles back the way you came?

In the city you have to learn the patterns of intersection lights, get stuck for hours at multiple red lights, dodge jaywalkers and tourists, and you're expected to know the whole city's randomized system of one-way streets. I swear city planners switch up the one-way system every now and then just for fun.

And then you have to park your car somewhere. This can take hours in certain places, wasting precious gas money and shopping time driving past giant SUVs taking up two spots and shopping carts lazily abandoned everywhere. When you finally end up at the opposite end of the parking lot you feel you may as well have walked anyway.

Storage

When you're traveling by train, plane and underground you really don't want to be laden down with unnecessary shit, so you get really good at traveling light. It becomes a source of pride when you show up for a weekend break with just one half-empty weekend bag, or an overnight function with just a change of knickers and a lipstick in a tiny purse.

Public transport makes you efficient. You keep your Osyter/Octopus/Calypso/Opus/Charlie/Freedom/Smartlink card in your pocket, and everything else on your back.

You gain a sense of freedom by being able to pack so lightly. You know if anyone calls you last minute for a luxury trip to the Bahamas leaving in one hour, you'd be at the airport in time with just your toothbrush, bikini and sun cream, and you wouldn't even have to check in. My rule for travel now is - if I can't lift it, it's not coming with me.

And that's the other thing - all the lifting, carrying and walking is healthy! I saved a fortune on gym memberships when I used public transport. I'd happily walk 45 minutes to work each day. Now I have to drive to the gym and it just feels so wrong and contradictory.

FREAKING PEOPLE EVERYWHERE

Public Transport
Petty people politics is never so apparent as on public transport. It's tough out there, jostling up against all and sundry on the rush hour tube, rubbing your shoulders against other people - who knows where they've been - and touching the same poles and sitting in the same seats. It'd make a hypochondriac's skin crawl.

Plus you have to endure their rudeness. Shoving in front, listening to loud music, folding their newspaper into your field of vision, giving their luggage the last seat on the carriage so you have to stand. There's no such thing as personal space on public transport- how dare they sneeze/text/fart/argue in your vicinity?

If you're having trouble securing a prime seat on public transport there are very detailed and militaristic guides to help you. When I was a kid at youth theater we'd play a game known as 'keeping your seat on the bus'. Basically you make silly faces until nobody wants to sit next to you. Trust me, it works. 

But all of this is part and parcel of living in a world with other people who are just not a cool and considerate as yourself. Plus it gives you the prime opportunity to hone that truly British sport of complaining. If you ever find yourself starting a new job in London, you'll instantly make new friends the moment you walk in the door and say "Oh my gosh, the Central line was just awful this morning, did anyone else have a ghastly time trying to get in? I couldn't get a seat at all and we got stuck for fifteen minutes at Bank and…" Trust me, it works.

Driving

The thing is, driving isn't any better. People speed, honk, tailgate (known in the USA as driving up your ass, as far as I can tell),  blind you with their lights, don't indicate and they always cut in front of you, guaranteed.

Gesturing to rude and inconsiderate road users is usually not that helpful

Drivers are in a hurry, they're rude, and they always think they're a better driver than everyone else. This has been extensively researched and it's true - it's a Lake Wobegone effect manifesting at 80mph on a four lane rat race.

And the worst thing is - all the tutting in the world won't do a darn thing! On a crowded tube, Brits take great pleasure in tutting loudly to display their displeasure at another passenger's actions. It's our favorite form of dissent. In a car this does nothing, and you end up becoming one of those deranged, enraged drivers flipping people off and honking at anything, spreading the blood boiling road rage across the region.

You stomp into work, not with a hilarious and frustrating tale of how crowded your train was, but with a loud tirade full of obscenities about the selfish road moron in front of you with the stupid bumper sticker.

It makes me stressed just thinking about it.

I've told Americans how shocked I am by Pennsylvania drivers and they all say the same thing, "Oh, just wait until you get to New Jersey/New York/California/Maryland/Anywhere, they're terrible at driving!"

And I shudder at the thought. On public transport at least you can sit back, plug in your headphones, eat a questionable prawn sandwich, and zen out all the way to Zone Six…

What side are you on? Which public transport system makes you crazy? And which US state really has the worst driver?

PS, if you've never seen this parody of Going Underground, about the London tube, you're in for a very sweary treat (really NSFW).

FOOD FIGHT: Haggis v Scrapple

It's been a while since I last did a Food Fight, so here's a very special edition for you: A Burns' Night special.

Today is Burns' Night, an evening to celebrate and remember the Scottish bard Robert (Rabbie) Burns. For Scots this is (yet another) excuse for good heavy food, great company, and even better drinks.

At the very least you'll know of Burns for Auld Lang Syne, the charming ditty sung at New Year. He also penned the delightful Address to a Haggis, which is recited on Burns' night as the haggis is ceremonially cut open and served to expectant diners…

…but not in the USA, on account of haggis not being available. According to the BBC the USA banned it in the 1970s because it contains a rather dubious ingredient: Sheep lung. This is a real shame, because despite its rather unglamorous constituent parts (essentially left-over offal, bits of sheep with oats and spices) it's a true delicacy.

A traditional Burns' supper of haggis, neeps (mashed turnips) and tatties (mashed potatoes) is a beautifully sweet, spicy and comforting winter dish…honestly!

All is not quite lost though, because Pennsylvania has its own answer to dubious spiced meat products: Scrapple. This too is a traditional dish comprising leftover meat (hog offal - that is, pork), grains (cornmeal) and spices. It's a Pennsylvania/Amish dish which is formed into loaf shapes and fried in slices.

I think Scots would whole-heartedly embrace scrapple as it has potential to be a great addition to any heart-stopping full fried breakfast. It's similar to lorne (square) sausage, although with a more haggis-like texture. Even the name is suitably dubious, literally describing the left-over meat used up in the product (actually it's allegedly from the PA dutch word panhaskröppel).

So, here goes…

Haggis

Invented: Some time in the 15th Century.
How to Make: You probably don't want to know.
Rock n Roll factor: Has an ancient poem, an annual ceremony, and is banned in the USA.

Scrapple

Invented: Some time in the 18th Century.
How to Make: You probably don't want to know.
Rock n Roll factor: Has a song, can be put in Apple pie to make Apple Scrapple Pie, diner favorite in the Mid-East.

Who is the FOOD FIGHT winner?

Sorry scrapple, today of all days it has to be haggis. Anything that strikes fear into the US Government has surely got an edge. But as I'm no longer living in Scotland, I'll have to settle for my local equivalent instead. Do you think scrapple, neeps and tatties could become a new Pennsylvanian favorite?

PS - I didn't take the photo of the haggis myself, but got permission from a real red-headed Scot who runs a tour company. If you're ever in Scotland be sure to get in touch with him - tell him I sent you and he'll give you special treatment.

Thriftbag Thursday

Yesterday I explained the history of an American tradition - the Girl Scout Cookie. I thought this would be an appropriate Thriftbag Thursday.

T-shirt: Thrifted

From a hipster thrift store in 

Manhattan's West Village many moons ago. 

Five bucks well-spent, even if I was(am) a poser 

who'd never tasted a Girl Scout Cookie until this week.

Scarf: Marks and Spencer

Seriously, thanks nan.

Who needs Anthropologie?

Shoes: Michael Kors

Because why not?

I'm a little embarrassed to say I wore this t-shirt for so many years without knowing that a Thin Mint is wearing ear muffs and that a Samoan likes to surf. I never got to do the Girl Scout Cookie thing. I was not a Girl Scout. Although Scouting was founded in the UK, the UK does not have Girl Scouts; they are known as Girl Guides.

The (Boy) Scout Movement was founded by British Lieutenant-General Robert Baden-Powell in the early 1900s and at the time girls were not encouraged to do the same activities as boys. When a group of young girls protested to Baden-Powell, he founded the Girl Guides, a special organization just for girls named after a corp of the British Indian Army.

I was a Girl Guide, but all our Guiders got pregnant and we never got to do anything cool, such as go to camp. I don't think it helped that our patrols were named after birds and I was in the 'Swallow Patrol', which in retrospect sounds highly inappropriate.

At any rate, Girl Guides in the UK don't sell cookies, and as far as I know Girl Scout Cookies are entirely unavailable in the UK. If you're a US expat living in the UK with nostalgic pangs for Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Patties, I'm sorry (Viscounts and Tunnocks Tea Cakes are far better biscuits anyway, and your local Girl Guides might even have a 'bring n buy' sale with homemade bakes).

By the way, I haven't forgotten the photo tips idea, I'm working on it and will keep you updated!

Glad Notes: Making a (thin) mint - Girl Scout cookies in the USA

For a month or so every year troops of young American girls put their entrepreneurship skills to the test and flog cookies to the US population. I've been vaguely aware of Girl Scout Cookies being a 'thing' here in the USA. But I did not know that each year these kids sell a batch of cookies worth an impressive $786 million. I did not know that there is an app to find out when and where to get them. I also did not know that they weren't homemade cookies, but rather a specific brand made by two bakeries in the USA.

Originally, in the early 1900s, Girl Scout cookies were homemade. A recipe circa 1922 is available on the official website. But in 1933 the real tradition of the American Girl Scout Cookie was born, and where? Philadelphia!

The 1933 Philadelphia Girl Scouts outsourced their cookie baking to a local firm, Keebler bakery. Sales were so successful that in 1936 Girl Scouts of the USA contracted Keebler to bake cookies nationwide. There's even a plaque commemorating this in Philadelphia (not my photo but worth a look).By the 1950s there were three popular varieties of Girl Scout Cookie, all of which are still produced along with other recipes, and sold by wily American girls.

The most popular? Thin Mints. One in four boxes sold is a box of Thin Mints.

As baked goods go, Thin Mints are surprisingly mediocre. They look and taste mass-produced, just like Oreos, the defunct Twinkie, and that vital 'smore component, Graham crackers. A division of Keebler, Little Brownie bakery, remains as one of the two official Girl Scout Cookie bakeries. Keebler also produces Grasshopper cookies, which look suspiciously familiar but are not the same as the Girl Scout cookie. Thin Mints, again like Oreos and Graham Crackers, are actually vegan. Grasshoppers are not.

I understand why the youth movement no longer encourages homemade bake sales. And Girl Scouts of America and their two contracted bakeries are fairly open about the contents of the cookies, the use of palm oil, and the nutritional value (or lack thereof). They also say attempts to promote the sale of low fat/sugar-free confectionery failed.

In what I consider to be the true American culinary spirit of taking something unhealthy and making it less healthy, I have created a special treat using three US confectionery institutions: Thin Mints, Marshmallow Fluff, and Plantation Candy straws. Behold, Cookie Cloud Heaven, or something:

It's actually only about 120 calories if you care about that kind of thing. At any rate, nobody is really buying Thin Mints for their salubrity, are they?

I think Thin Mints serve a valuable purpose for young American women. I really do. These young girls must choose their cookie supplier, set the price, order stock and reach sales targets. I think that's pretty admirable. Never mind that they're ruining the post-holiday diets of the American populace.

Girl Scout Cookies are not available in the UK, primarily because the UK doesn't actually have Girl Scouts. Why's that, you ask? Well, you'll have to come back tomorrow to find out…

Glad Notes: What makes a Brit proud to be a Brit?

Marks, Sparks, and Migration: How Brits and British residents feel about the UK

Last week my Marks and Spencer slippers got a lot of loving from my readers, many of whom also received Marks and Spencer's footwear and/or sleepwear during the festive season.

Now there's demonstrable proof that M&S really does have socks appeal. This week a poll by think tank British Future revealed that M&S makes 4% of Brits feel proud to be British.

Though to be fair another UK department store, John Lewis, also allegedly makes 4% of Brits feel proud to be British, and of course these two stores pale behind other institutions that make Brits proud, ranking below the UK National Health Service, Military, and Olympics sportsfolk to name a few.

Pure socks appeal

Incidentally another recent poll, albeit run by a British bread company, claimed that Brits are most proud of their sense of humor and the lush green British countryside. Sturdy y-fronts, cosy slippers and emotive advertising didn't even get a look in (you've seen John Lewis's famous Christmas ads, and Marks and Spencer's salacious food porn, yes?).

On a different note, the British Future poll highlights Brits' unease and concern over the issue of immigration. Brits claim immigration causes the 'most division in British society as a whole today' above inequality, politics and even ethnicity. The poll also indicates Brits' general perception that immigration negatively affects housing, crime, employment and the NHS. The majority of those polled did however believe that immigration had a positive effect on football, fashion, food and entrepreneurship.

Interestingly, although six out of ten Brits wouldn't want to be citizens of another country, the poll suggests that immigrants to the UK are on the whole more positive and more optimistic about Britain and the country's future than natural-born Brits.

The UK coalition government is currently implementing new immigration reforms, with the overall aim of significantly reducing the UK's immigrant population. Regular readers of the Glad Blog will know that I have strong opinions about these latest immigration reforms.

A cross-party Parliamentary group is currently undertaking an inquiry into the new family migration rules, and individuals who have 'direct experience of the new family migration rules' are encouraged to provide written evidence by the deadline of 31st January 2013. I'm eager to see the results of this inquiry so I'll be sure keep you updated.

Finally though, I couldn't find data on the percentage of those born outside the UK that feel pride for M&S and their indoor winter clothing, but I have asked British Future and will report back to you on that too!