Expat Q & A - Perceptions of Expat Life in the USA

The great thing about the expat Q & A hosted by the lovely Belinda and Bailie is that it makes me realize that my expat life is, well, normal.

This month's expat Q & A is about how others perceive expat life. It's been fascinating to read the other responses because there seems to be some universally shared experiences. No matter where a blogger moved from or to it appears that their friends and family think they're living a fairytale life abroad, a constant vacation.

But really, it's just life.

Everyday, boring, normal, quotidian, mundane life. And sometimes (most of the time) that life is pretty good. So here are my answers to this month's questions, but don't forget to check out the rest too!

Question #1: How does your family and friends back home perceive your new life, and is it accurate?

Actually, I think most of my friends and family have a realistic impression of how life in the USA works now. I talk about ordinary things like my commute to work, buying a car, nights in with my husband, networking, etc.

But when I still lived in Britain and first discussed moving to America, I usually got one of two responses:

1. Wow! That's so glamorous! America, that's cool!
2. So, how do you really feel about moving to a country without public healthcare?

I won't go into the second response here (yet) but the first one is interesting, because it's kind of related to what I said in my guest post on A Compass Rose about the UK impression of the US. It's often one-sided, but America has so many sides.

Two very different sides of America

There is a side of America that's fast-moving, cosmopolitan, urban, and exciting. And then there is the side of America that is vast, open, rustic, and fascinating.

And I live slap bang in the middle of both. Yes, I live very close to two of the biggest cities in the country (Philadelphia and New York). But my daily commute involves all aspects of US living: driving past corn fields and cows, along multi-lane suburban pikes past shopping malls, through little towns, and even a stint on a highway for good measure.

So while my friends know that I'm not on a constant vacation, and I don't live on fast food, I'm not sure they get a whole picture of the contrasts of American living.

Murals in Philly

Hot Dogs in New York

Cabela's - the outdoor outfitters

Question #1: Do you find the need to edit your life from friends and family? 

At the beginning, I definitely did, for fear of disappointing them!

I know that's silly, but after my friends and family had been so supportive in the lead-up to my emigrating from the UK to the USA, I didn't want them to think that I wasn't living the American Dream.

The truth is, those first few months of immigration and expattery can be really hard, and after all the hype and expectation, I didn't want people to worry, or to think I'd made a mistake.

But now, now I'm settled and life is normal, and wonderfully so, I'll confide and talk about my daily frustrations. Recently I had an hour long Skype chat with a friend in Scotland because we're both looking at buying used cars, and that's a universal pain!

Expat Q & A August: The Basics

I've been an expat for over a year now, and when I think back to my arrival I realize how hard on myself I was. I thought a month would be more than enough time to adjust to life in the New World. In reality, it took almost that whole year for me to feel settled, and well, at home.

But now I know my way around (more or less) so here's my rundown of day-to-day life somewhere on the outskirts of Philadelphia. Be sure to check out the other expat Q & A's over at Belinda's blog too, to see how expat life compares across the world.

1. What is your favorite food store in your city and why? 
Okay, first things first - I don't live in the city.
Shock! If you thought I lived in Philly, I'm sorry. I live very close to Philly, but not quite.
So my favorite food store is hard to choose, because there's an excellent variety of family owned markets and supermarkets. One of the most fun to visit is Wegmans, which I talked about before here.

2. For your answer to number 1 is it ok to buy the store brand items or do you pay extra for a name brand?
Wegmans is a high brand store - a bit like Waitrose or M & S in the UK - and there's so much to choose. You can try their food in their restaurants or their take-out counters, get fresh deli counter produce, name brand goods and imported products (including Jaffa Cakes, Irn Bru, and Ribena for likes of me). They also sell beer which, for a supermarket in PA, is a pretty big deal.

3. What do you think is the best way to get about your city? i.e. bus, bike, car, etc
If you live on the train line, then the rail system isn't too bad. Otherwise, out here, you need to drive. No question about it. One funny observation is that the closer to the city people live, even if they have a car, the less far they're willing to drive. My husband and I are very used to driving all over our county and the neighboring counties to get to where we want. What we save by living away from the city we spend right back in gas, but thems the brakes, and we get to see some great scenery to boot.

4. Which store do you turn to for basics like toilet paper or cleaning supplies?
I'm not going to lie, it's Walmart. We prefer to go to other stores for most things, but I'd challenge any American resident to truthfully say they don't make several trips to Walmart a year.

5. Where do you think is the best place in your city to get a cup of coffee (or beverage you prefer) and catch up with friends? 
Like I said, we're happy to travel across the counties to see our friends, and there's no one place that we go to on a regular basis. A lot of the small towns and cities have cute independent coffee shops, and Philly has brilliant bars, but the numbers of times we just end up in chain restaurants out in the suburbs… I still haven't visited this place yet. Can you believe it?!

Gladley's going live, HuffPost Live!

First things first, I'm going to be live on TV (kinda) … tonight! It's a panel discussion tonight on HuffPost Live, 7.30pm EST. We'll be discussing the many advantages of long distance relationships, so do feel free to tune in online!

You'll also be free to laugh at my accent. It's gotten ridiculous these days, Americans often ask me now "where are you from?" out of genuine confusion. Where am I from? Suburban PA? England-then-Scotland? Whatever works.

I'm looking forward to my HuffPo panel appearance, which is soon to be followed by plenty of other fun things that I have in the pipeline. Life certainly has sped up in the past couple of months, and I have a lot of expattery to tell you about, from my experience so far with US healthcare, the differences between UK and US driving tests, that other time I was kind of an expat (that I forget about), and more.

In the mean time. I lied a bit when I said that our Sunday puppy wouldn't pose for us. Behold, our awkward family photos, 2013.

These were taken the same day, and were the best of the lot, believe me.

Oh, and the George Washington quotation - that was on one of our table settings at our wedding.

Life as an expat - one year on!

It's my one year anniversary of being a US Resident!  I'm shocked and frightened by how quickly that year went by, but also very excited about the coming year and the opportunities it'll bring for team Gladley. 

Looking back on the past twelve months, here's what I've been up to in my first year as a British expat living in the United States…

WATCHING

My first July 4th parade - and I'm looking forward to this again! As silly as it sounds, this was one of my highlights of moving here, seeing a local piece of rural Americana.

The London Olympics - Some of my most-read posts are my rundowns of watching the Olympics as my motherland was on show for the world to see. I got the chance to see the Games both on TV here in the USA, and in-person, as I flew back to London in August and saw the US pick up some gold medals.

Infomercials a-plenty - I get a lot of hits to this post due to funny keyword searches.

ADMIRING

 

Life in the country and also Life in the City - it's no secret now that I'm in love with Philadelphia. Where we live, we get the best of both worlds. It's also amusing to discover people who live in either region and never visit the other. Try it sometime - you might just like it.

EATING

 

I have eaten a lot since I moved here. It's been fantastic. Here's what I have been eating, and also what I haven't.

I've tried very hard to convince you that America has some brilliant cuisine and I hope I've encouraged you to seek out some good US eating. One of my favorite times was devoting a whole month of posts to America's favorite harvest fruit, the humble pumpkin.

You know what happens when you get married and move to America? You put on weight. Come on, that's a double whammy of excuse right there. I don't mind admitting that I've put on 6lbs in the past year…

…and it's totally been worth it.

Trust me, I have so many ideas for the next year of this humble little blog, I hope you continue to read and comment and connect with me. Let me know what you'd like to read next - more FOOD FIGHT posts? More photos of Philadelphia? More guides to life as an expat? Some of my favorite posts have been inspired by comments from my readers so don't be shy - comment or email me today!

Expat Diaries - Three things I say incorrectly

When I moved from the UK to the USA one of the things I made sure to do was change my default language on my computer from English (UK) to English (USA). It's helped a lot with writing: cover letters, resumes, blog posts, and all the copy I write now as part of my job.

It's rare that I slip up and put organisation instead of organization, or defence instead of defense, but if I do then the red dotted lines warn me that I've gone all continental.

However, I do still slip up all the time when I speak. And sometimes, after trying to maintain my British identity, I have to give in and use an American phrase because people genuinely don't seem to know what I'm talking about. That bewilders me, as an English speaking person in an English speaking country!

So for the most part, my Americanisms are deliberate and considered efforts to make myself understood in this brash and assertive country. However, sometimes I doubly slip up, and accidentally use Americanisms with my British friends. Then I get accused of forgetting my Britishness, so I can't win in either instance!

Here are a few simple, unassuming phrases that I've caught myself saying, that make me think "Wow, I really am American now…"

"We got this in the mail"

Brits use the word "mail" for sure, usually in the context of it being "Royal" and constantly in danger of getting privatized (or privatised, depending where you are). But Brits don't generally say "I'll get the mail" or "Give this to the mailman" - it's post, and postman. There's even a popular kids' cartoon in the UK, Postman Pat.

Strangely enough though, Americans do use "Post Office" and "Postal Service". But if I try to say "I'll get the post" here in the USA, I think Americans expect me to return with a large wooden stake instead.

"Can you put this in the trash for me?"

Again, this is such an innocuous phrase,  it shouldn't be a big deal. But nobody in the UK genuinely says trash. It's rubbish, or garbage. I love the word rubbish especially. It's a great insult because it's also a bit pathetic. Next time you're having an argument, slip in the phrase "You're a rubbish person!" and you'll probably have to stop yourself from giggling afterwards.  Call somebody trashy and you're in a world of trouble.

See also trash can v rubbish bin. I find the phrase rubbish bin kind of quaint now - if that doesn't mean I'm Americanized I don't what does.

Brits don't quite get the "Supersize" thing either

"Can I get…?"

This one happened to me a long time ago actually, even before I moved over. It's an affectation used by many Brits who want to appear assertive when ordering their coffee and Subway sandwiches.

Being able to customize something so simple as coffee and fast food goes against everything a Brit knows. 

It's why Burger King's "have it your way" slogan was a flop in the UK. Brits don't want to have to request extra cheese or no lettuce, they want what's given to them. If they don't like cheese, they'll take it out themselves instead of appearing rude or fussy. 

When Subway arrived in the UK Brits were practically having meltdowns when barraged with a bunch of questions even just about their bread. "I'll have j-just w-whatever it comes with…" customers would panic. The server would have to explain that the poor Brit was actually in command of their own lunch, and they would have to review choices under pressure of holding up the line (queue). Due to the stress and confusion they'd end up with some bizarre combination of tuna, ham, raw onion and salt on their Subway.

In the world of fast food and fast coffee, courtesies such as "Please may I have…" or "Would it be possible if…" or "Do you think you could possibly, if it's not too much trouble, please…" are about five seconds too long to cut it. So "Can I get" becomes the go-to "I know exactly what I want on my cold lunch and in my hot drink and I'm important so get it for me" power phrase. 

Whenever I hear myself loudly proclaim "Can I get an untoasted six-inch BMT?" I know I've made it as a self-assured American…until I follow it up with "on just whatever bread you have to hand, what's ever easiest for you, I don't want to cause too much trouble, sorry, if that's not too much to ask…"

Time, Travel and Time Capsules: Keep, delete, or bury?

To anyone who's ever moved, travelers and expats especially, there comes a moment of sorting through the 'stuff' that represents your life, and deciding what to keep, delete, or bury.

Yes, bury!

After my recent post linking to the beautiful 100 year old time capsule, my own mum got in touch to tell me that she's been inspired to bury a time capsule. She asked me for suggestions of what to put in it, and even asked me to put out requests over social media for suggestions.

So I did. 

And the responses were fascinating.

What started as a list of items such as "photos of the local area" and "pictures of family" became a short debate over what format should go in a time capsule. Some people said only include hard copies of photographs and paper materials, others suggested hard drives, old laptops, video footage, etc.

Which is going to last longer and be most relevant in 100 years?

It reminded me of when I was packing to move to the USA for good. I sorted through all the stuff that I'd accumulated and the memories that it held, knowing I only had limited shipping space. I ended up packing an old VHS of a Snoopy movie, even though VHS is obsolete, I'm not sure the video still works, and it definitely doesn't work in the USA anyway. I just couldn't part with it.

We humans are funny and emotional like that. We like to hoard things that we think represent ourselves. And we do it online too. How many pins do you have on Pinterest for example? Or how many photos on Facebook? How many of your blog posts are going to matter to you in 50 years?

Some people think that we should regularly delete elements of our past, and that the internet is detrimental to our need to forget. I'm not sure I agree.

First of all, I think it's important to keep mementos of our past and present. When I worked on a project helping baby boomers set up healthy aging initiatives, so many of them were concerned with memories and reminiscence. Our memories are important, and they keep our brain healthy. Cool apps like the Museum of Me (which creates a visual museum from your Facebook page) could be really useful to help us look back, but could even help to delay forgetfulness in old age.

Secondly, digital is not quite as permanent as we think. Sure, the Way Back When machine is archiving the internet, and the Library of Congress is archiving Twitter, but formats get corrupted or deleted, and new technologies come along. Old film prints are slowly deteriorating and without funding to transfer them to new formats, we're slowly losing bits of history.

So when it comes to my mum's time capsule, should I put my Facebook wall on CD, or print it out? Should I send back my dated Snoopy VHS and put that in too?

This is probably not the kind of debate that would take place 100 years ago. It would be funny if the time capsule only contained emails, Facebook posts and this blog post discussing what should go into a time capsule, and nothing else. Imagine 100 years from now, digging up the most annoyingly post-modern time capsule ever!

What useless thing did you keep with you when you moved or traveled somewhere new? 
What would you put in a time capsule? What should my mum put in her time capsule? 
How will you feel in 50 years looking back at your old Facebook timeline?

Sunday Supplements (and Sunday Puppy too)

 It has been a good week (except for the Sunday Puppy who had to get annual shots and peed on the vet). After this bountiful and beautiful spring I'm suddenly excited about what the rest of 2013 will bring. 

I've also sneaked in an expat Q & A at the bottom of this post, it's another expat link up with some other wonderful expat bloggers, so be sure to check them all out!

EATING/DRINKING

Wings and Margaritas -  Honey Chipotle wings washed down with fruity frozen drink makes for a fun Friday evening.

Chicken Chasni - My first attempt at this authentic Glasgow curry was an overwhelming success. I'll share soon, I promise!

WATCHING

The Hour  - completely underrated noir 1950s drama set in the corridors of BBC studios. Totally overshadowed by Upstairs Downstairs and Downton Abbey.

ADMIRING

Time Capsule from 1913 - 100 year-old memories and artifacts uncovered in this wonderful series of photos. If there's only one link you follow today, make it this one.

READING

What not to do in England - I love Rhyme and Ribbon's regular expat feature 'What Not To Do' because they're all no-brainers for me and I love seeing an American's perception of British culture. This one is about pub culture.

EXPAT Q & A - Season and Culture changes!

 

1. What was your favorite season back home and is it the same now; why or why not? 
My favorite season back home (Scotland) is Summer because the sky barely gets dark. Look at Scotland on an atlas and you'll realize it's as north as Canada. During the solstice the sky goes dark blue, but never black.

Here in midatlantic USA though, it has to be Spring. The temperature is perfect, the sun is bright, and the blossoms are beautiful. All for a fleeting moment before the oppressive summer weather sets in!

2. Is there a place you would want to move to based solely on the weather?
I think I'm there! Anywhere New England/Mid-Atlantic is perfect because there are four defined seasons. It sounds nuts but I feel very in tune right now!

3. What is a piece an article of clothing that you had to buy for your new home due to the weather? i.e. galoshes, winter coat, etc
More summer garments, especially professional wear. I had no idea what people in the USA wore to work and meetings when the weather is 90F.

4. Have you found the weather stereotypes of your new home to be true?
Yes. Spring is amazing, summer is stunning, and Sandy was a little frightening.

5. Is there somewhere you would never live based solely on the weather?
I hate to say it, but the Deep South. I don't think I could handle having only one season, where my thick curly hair becomes a hot wet hostage to the humidity.

6. What are you looking forward to most this spring?
Getting stuck into my new job and spending more time outside again.

7. Where you live, what is your go to outfit for spring?
Uuuuh. I'm actually at a bit of a loss because this Spring has swung from 90F - 50F and it's been hard to keep track of what to wear. Jeans/blouse and short dresses with tights have seemed to work so far.

8. What is one thing or event that you miss that happens back home at this time of the year?
I really miss seeing newborn lambs jumping around the fields.

9. If your hubs could bring home a bouquet of any type of flower, what you pick?
I'm not picky! He's traditional though, so it'd be roses or lilies.

10. What does your perfect Saturday look like?
Coffee in my PJs and watching a show with my hubs in a late morning followed by a trip to a local Mennonite plant nursery and flower shop, and a drive through the country. Back home for bread making and curry making. That's actually how we spent yesterday, and it was lovely.  

Bonus:  Are there any special holidays in your new country in the month of May?
Cinco De Mayo (not strictly American of course), and Memorial Day Weekend, which is actually our wedding anniversary, and although it's our second one this year, it's the first we'll spend together. So that's very exciting.

Tea and taxes - a UK expat navigating US taxes (part 2)

A few days ago I discussed the shopping minefield that is US sales tax, and just how bewildering it is for this awkward British expat to try to navigate when taxes on goods seem to change town to town (and in some cases, really do).

But that's not what tax day is really about. Tax day, April 15th is the day when US residents must file their taxes with the IRS.

For a previously salaried Brit, this is a whole new bureaucratic territory.

In the UK, if you are an employee, that is if you are not self-employed, then taxes are deducted and reported to the taxman (HMRC) by your employer through a system known as Pay As You Earn (PAYE). There's often no need to even have any communication with HMRC. Starting a new job you give your employer an earning/tax form (P45/P46) and at the end of the financial year your employer sends you a form that summarizes your earnings and deductions (P60). That's by and large, it.

Sometimes you need to call them to correct your tax deduction, especially if you're under a certain age or you're a full-time student. And occasionally you might find out that you have been on the wrong tax code for several years and then the taxman will send you a check out of the blue. This happened to me several years ago and I was shocked. At first I thought it was a scam (nobody sends me checks for no reason), but it actually helped pay for a good portion of our wedding.

In the USA, starting a new job requires you fill out a form (W4) requesting how much tax to deduct from your paycheck. At the end of the financial year, your employer sends you a summary of your earnings and tax (a W2). Sounds familiar, yes?

But then you have to fill out a whole bunch of forms for the IRS and send them off by April 15th.

As a detail-oriented Brit who managed to navigate the USCIS immigration form jungle, I felt pretty confident about filling out these tax forms. My husband, however, disagreed. Perhaps it was my constant chatter about "So I've got my W-whatever, what do I do now? Why do I need to do this if I'm a salaried employee? What is FICA? Here are all my pay-slips, do we send these too? Why not - I put them in date order!"

So we cheated and went to an accountant. And that was fun. He knew what he was doing. And apparently I'm getting another check from the taxman.

Around about this time Americans start talking about what they'll be using their tax rebate to buy. It's like a check out of the blue, but every year. It's the reverse of what happens at the register in the store. Instead of getting some weird total above the sticker price, you get an undetermined sum back from the checkout. Americans - why is this?

Next year I'm going to have a different kind of fun at tax time because now I'm a self-employed consultant/contractor. This time I'm keeping all my receipts in date order to send to Mr IRS next April, so he can see just how much I spend on Twizzlers (joking…I prefer Jelly Bellies).

Tea and taxes - a UK expat navigating US taxes (part 1)

I promise this isn't a political rant, it's an expat's observation of the differences between sales tax in the UK and the USA!

Last week was tax day in the USA, and I was going to spend a bit of time talking about my various experiences with the US tax system, until the tragedy in Boston took place and I held off. Most people know that Boston plays a key part in the USA's uneasy relationship with taxation. I had wondered at the time if there was a correlation between tax day and what happened in Boston. I don't actually think that was the reason behind what happened there last week, but I hope you understand my caution nonetheless.

Coming from the UK, tea and taxes are two things with which I'm very familiar. And I'm not talking about US history. Sales tax in the UK (known as Value Added Tax or VAT) is currently an eye-watering 20%, a little fact I often use to stun Americans when they ask me about life in the UK.

To Americans, this is unheard of.

But Brits don't always notice it. Yes, things are expensive, but the minimum wage is higher, the pound is stronger (but only just, I admit), and usually sales tax is included in the sticker price. I call it a WYSIWYG shopping experience: You know straight away how much a basketful of goods will cost when you reach the checkout, and it's only after you leave and glance at your receipt you realize just how much of your bill went to the taxman.

Dry Cleaning in Philly

And this is one of my pet peeves about sales tax in the USA: It's so unpredictable! For a start, sales tax varies from state to state, and sometimes from city to city. I live in the suburbs of Philadelphia, where sales tax is a reasonable 6%. But once I'm inside the city it's 8%.

City-dwellers like to head out of the city to the King of Prussia mall (the biggest on the east coast and a veritable shopping behemoth) to save a few dollars. Some New York state residents also find their way down to suburban PA, because even though NY State sales tax is only 4% it varies widely, reaching almost 9% in NYC. As I've said before, PA's neighbor Delaware has no sales tax, and many Keystone staters are only too happy to hop over the border for liquor, or a car (or both).

That's not all. My biggest peeve is that sales tax is added on top of the sticker price, at the register. If budgeting is key, then you need to be clued into the tax rates for what you're buying, where you are, and how to work out percentages mentally while cruising the shopping aisles. You think that CD is going to cost you 9.99? Wrong, it's 10.59. And two of them? Yeah that's 21.18, thanks. No wonder Americans use their cards for shopping, carrying exact change is a nightmare.

At first I have to confess that I wondered if this was a conspiracy to make American shoppers acutely aware of taxation. After that spat with the Brits over tea (and to be fair, the tax rate on tea was allegedly a ridiculous 119%), the USA has never been an overt fan of heavy taxation. The weird totals at the register are a constant reminder.

But actually, it is probably just easier for nation-wide companies to allow stores in states to change the tax rates on their registers rather than printing out different prices for every city, county and state, and not the conspiracy theory this awkward Brit has concocted!

Incidentally, in the UK there's no sales tax on teabags, but there is if you buy a cup of hot tea. So maybe both systems are just as confusing!

Strange things expats do: Always make comparisons between countries

Philadelphia Flower Show 2013 - Cheshire Cat

Being an expat or living in another country can do strange things to your brain.

Even after beginning to craft a life and routine in my new home country, I'm still making comparisons. The comparisons between old and new, between cultures, of "if my life was there, it'd be one way" but "if my life is here, it'll be different in these ways".

These comparisons define an expat's life in many ways. Comparing cultures is what makes living in a different country so fascinating and exciting. If I wasn't comparing life in the USA to life in the UK there'd be no glad blog for a start!

But sometimes comparisons can get in the way. I still find myself getting stuck when there's an element of US society or culture that is very strange to me, or different to how I think it should be. I often have to stop and consider whether I feel that way because it's really something I feel could be improved, or if it's just because the culture is different. I have a go-to assumption that what I experienced back in the UK is right or better, but that's often because it's just what I know.

If I'm always on alert, always comparing elements of US culture to UK culture, am I getting too stuck in thinking about how my life would be if I was still living in the UK? Or am I embracing the differences between the two countries?

One of the best pieces of advice I received from a friend before I made the move was this:

Remember, you're not leaving one continent for another. You're just opening a door on a wider, more vibrant, transcontinental life. Be sure to recognize cultural differences and embrace them for what they are.

I try to remind myself just to go with the flow whenever I'm stuck at an intersection instead of a roundabout or eating pizza instead of meat pie.

Someone beat me to it and started a new expat blog link-up! This post is part of the brand new monthly Expat Diaries, linking up blogs about expattery and travel. It's the first blog link-up I've taken part in and I'm looking forward to finding more expat bloggers this way.

The other kinds of Long Distance Relationships

source (obviously this is a meme and I didn't do this picture)

A short while back I wrote a full guide on surviving a long distance relationship. This was based on my experiences of being engaged and married while living 3000 miles from my partner.

But there is another kind of long distance relationship, that more readers may be familiar with. That's the relationship(s) nurtured with everyone else left behind once an expat does their expatting.

At first I was terrible with keeping in touch with family and friends back in the motherland, so much so that I recently announced an apology to some of my high school friends. For the first six months of being in the USA I have to admit that I was more focused on spending time with my husband after nearly 3 years of fleeting distance loving, plus trying to adjust to life as a US resident.

In some ways it was easier to be long distance with just one loved one, despite the heartache of missing my husband!

I'm getting better now at keeping in touch with my various British bods, though there's still room for improvement. Over the next few weeks I'll tell you how I maintain my newly overseas relationships. If you're an expat/traveller and have any tips, I'd love to hear them.

Grandparents

As the picture suggests, my grandparents are Skyped up, and even have Facebook for tracking all of their extended family. They pretend they don't know what they're doing but my grandfather was a radio engineer for years so I'm not sure I believe him.

I need to take a leaf out of my grandparents' filofaxes though because they never miss a birthday or special occasion, and always send a card on time. They even send a back-up e-card and Facebook greetings should any other method of communication fail. My grandfather still insists on sending hard cash in the mail, but by some miracle it always arrives.

My other gran (yes, I'm very lucky) sends me regular email forwards and sometimes surprisingly naughty jokes. I like to respond with pictures of baby animals.

The great thing about keeping in touch with my grandparents is they put everything into perspective. They were alive during WW2, experienced the blitz, had their houses bombed, and remember sleeping in London tube stations doubling as air raid shelters. My grandfather was evacuated from London and had to live with a different family that he didn't even know. Whenever I express frustration to them it's like a real life Monty Python sketch:

Me: We totalled the front of the car. It's going to be expensive.
Grandparents: Oh, don't worry, you'll get it fixed. We couldn't afford a car for YEARS so we had an old motorbike, your gran had to hold onto the back and I'd take her to the train station.

Me: We would like to get our own house, but we just aren't in the position right now. House prices are low, but so are wages. When we are in a better position house prices will probably have risen.
Grandparents: Oh don't worry. We used to live in two rooms and share a bathroom with an old lady. We weren't allowed to have baths after 2pm. It took 7 years before we got our own place because back then the mortgage was only based on the man's income. Eventually we bought a plot of land and lived in a shed while we built our own house.

Me: The TV broke.
Grandparents: Don't worry, when we lived in our shed while building our own house, our TV was oil powered and it broke. Your grandfather used oil from the motorbike to keep it going. And our radio was an old shoebox that your grandfather built. We changed channels using a pencil, but of course there were only two channels back then.

Me: I've been sick recently.
Grandparents: Don't worry. I had the flu during the blitz. One time we got bombed and the lights went out. I felt a hot sticky liquid on my arm and thought I was bleeding. Turns out I had just spilled my honey and lemon.

And this totally works! If I'm down I try to imagine building an iPhone from a shoebox and can't help but laugh out loud.

If you're an expat and you're feeling down, Skype the oldest member of your family right RIGHT NOW. They'll probably be able to put it into hilarious perspective for you, and they'll appreciate the call.

Strange things expats do: Feel nostalgic for odd, unexpected things

Little things can catch you out when you live in a different country. For example, this was my favorite part of the British-themed Philadelphia Flower Show this year:

I'm not kidding! This mossy wall is fantastic! It reminded me of the UK much more than any of the flower displays.

It was a garden display representing the city of St.Andrews, which is where I grew up as a teen and where I eventually got married. It has a very special place in my heart.

This week I also saw Selena's pictures of Yorkshire, and her photos of damp countryside made me realize how much I miss the mossy walls of the UK.

How amazing is this photo by Selena - do you think it looks familiar?

Photo by Selena, not me - click for more photos by Selena of the mossy countryside on her blog 'Oh the places we will go'

Here in Pennsylvania the landscape is beautiful, but once spring and summer comes around it's impossible to wander anywhere for fear of getting covered in poison ivy. PA is infested with the stuff, and I have absolutely no wish to become a giant itching pus-filled boil on one account of walking through the woods.

I never thought I'd miss the dank mossiness of the UK:

Various pictures of Mark's last trip to the UK, in January 2012, before I moved to the USA

It's just one of those weird little quirks that hits an expat out of the blue.

An American Come Dine with Me Menu

I recently lamented the lack of Come Dine with Me in my life since I moved to the USA. I know it's standard dine-time TV fodder in the UK, but they teased American audiences by only showing a couple of seasons. My American mom-in-law is still in withdrawal. She loved the crazy menus that the Brits would devise for their unsuspecting guests.

My British mum emailed me the other day to say that the local paper had an ad looking for Come Dine With Me participants in her local area. She thought it'd be hilarious if my mom-in-law applied.

She's not going to, obviously, what with being in the USA. But that didn't stop us from creating a fantasy Come Dine with Me Menu! What would Brits make of this brash American spread?

STARTER: BUTT SLIDERS

 

We'd base the starter on this juicy looking recipe from Cook's Country. It's traditional St Louis barbecued pork, using part of the pig known as Boston Butt. It's not, as I learned, literally the butt, and in the UK it's known as 'pork hand'. 

A slider is just a mini burger, so we'd serve small portions of Boston butt in a mini starter-sized bun: Butt Sliders. 

This would be a perfect introduction to a great US feast, plus the name is almost unbeatable. Imagine what the refined British Come Dine With Me contestants (ahem) would make of it!

MAIN COURSE: BEER BUTT CHICKEN

 

Again, this title may flummox the poor imaginary Brits attending our fantasy dinner. I've had this several times and it's always fun to make. Take a can of beer, drink half, shove it up a chicken's butt, and barbecue. The result is deliciously moist BBQ chicken.

There's an element of danger here as British BBQs are often precariously dependent on British weather. The chicken could end up being rain-drenched rather than moist, but we'll take that chance.

I suppose we'd need to serve this with some good sides, such as corn on the cob, a good potato salad, and some dill pickles.

DESSERT: MUD PIE 

This was chosen simply because its name fits the theme of this dubious sounding menu. There's absolutely nothing dainty about a rich chocolate mass of mud pie, but boy is it indulgent, and ideal to round off this hearty stars n' stripes feast. 

I guess we'd serve it along with some terrible American filter coffee for a truly authentic diner taste.

Okay chaps n gals, how does this sound to you? What would your Come Dine With Me (or dinner party) menu be?

Five characteristics of Britain, illustrated through flowers

The charm of this year's Philadelphia Flower Show (the largest indoor flower show in the world) was the theme: Great Britain. It was fun for me not only to see the gorgeous displays, but also to get an inkling of what the US thinks about my home-turf.

Here were five themes of the flower show that really made me feel at home…

1. Rain

How many times have Americans asked me if it really rains every day in Britain? I've lost count. I always tell them "yes, every day, never a day without rain". Considering that the size of the UK stretches from Maine to North Carolina I'm probably not wrong.

2. The Beatles

Did you notice the Let it Be garden just there? Well it wasn't the only Beatle themed garden. My favorite setting of the whole show is this one just here. Can you guess the two songs?

3. (Childrens') Literature

There were two Alice in Wonderland gardens - this large setting here, and a smaller one with a topiary Cheshire Cat and White Rabbit. I also saw Jane Austen,  Sherlock, and Dracula. Some were better than others, and some relied very heavily on non-plant props. 

4. The Monarchy

From the moment visitors entered the grand hall in the PA Convention Center, they'd see it was a royal floral affair. The crown jewels were spectacular, and the dried flower portraits were stunning. Can you see Her Majesty making a sneaky appearance?

5. Tea

This one was subtle, but it was definitely there. Whether it was a hidden teapot in a bijou apartment deck garden, the Mad Hatter's Tea Party, or a simple cup of tea between innings (that's a cricket thing), my old nation's favorite drink could be found.